WINNING THE 9/11 LOTTERY

In the face of our government's efforts to scare its citizens, how does one convince Americans that the one chance in 3 billion they have of becoming a victim of terrorism makes it a virtually non-existent threat?

After all, state governments leave no child behind by charging "the idiot tax" in the form of lotteries, just to shore up their schools. Americans are clearly easy victims.

Americans nationwide throw out hundreds of billions of dollars each year on lottery tickets that have no real-world possibility of winning: indeed, the winning ticket holder has a greater chance of getting hit by lightning while going to redeem his ticket, than the gambler has of winning the lottery in the first place.

In other words, even if you win the big lottery, you have a greater chance of dying going to collect on your ticket, than of ever seeing it in your bank account.

Maybe lottery ticket buyers are all altruists, more interested in quality education than getting rich. I think not. When people like Dubya can get into Yale and Harvard, clearly "statistical probability" is not among Americans' strong suits.

Math just does not sink in with Americans, which explains why the loss of our $197 billion surplus from the Clinton Administration seems like a mere parking ticket. It's also why we grieve the 3,000 civilians we lost on 9/11 but can't comprehend the 3,000 civilians dying every month in Iraq as a result of our mistaken invasion. And that's how poor people have been led to believe it's in their interest to make the rich, richer.

The Bush Administration has had to pump up the terrorist threat in order to remain in office. And they are pumping homeland security money into towns with populations so small and inconsequential, they would welcome terrorists just to keep their diners open. After all, suicide terrorists buy lottery tickets too. Hey, why not: they're not going to win anyway. Would you quit smoking right before facing a firing squad?

I recall the time government officials literally sealed off my parent's town, (Walpole, NH, pop. 600) in a plastic bubble because a sticky substance was found leaking out of a package at the post office. Dozens of HAZMAT officials in Chernobyl suits surrounded the suspicious package as the townspeople held their breath.

Finally, after several days of first responders circling the package in space suits, the post office clerk bravely stuck her finger in the puddle and tasted it.

It turned out to be maple syrup. "E-yup. Good NH Grade A," she confirmed, proudly. The maple syrup remained in government lockdown for two months and was later donated to the Unitarian church for it's annual pancake breakfast. In New England, you don't throw out real maple syrup -- no matter how questionable its provenance.

I'm pretty sure Osama has better things to do with his evil than to slime Walpole New Hampshire.

It's ironic, even Iranic, that peoples whose heads are in towels if not the fifteenth century, can fool the most highly-educated, modern populace on Earth. But that is how terrorism works in the age of the Bush administration. Pull off one extremely lucky, unrepeatable attack, and watch your victim destroy itself worrying about the next.

Though the terrorists had no real second act, the Bush administration wasn't about to advertise this fact. The Bush Administration, like the terrorists, won the lottery, politically, on 9/11, and they could both sit back and reap the rewards.