SHOPALYPTO
Mel Gibson's Apocalypto, the eclectic, epocalyptic, eucalyptic, tapiocalyptic debacle is all about a new beginning for the apologetic, psychotic, alcoholic, apocalyptic, anti-Semitic son of a Nazi apologist.
Unfortunately, for any new beginning, something has to end: in this case, Thanksgiving. Just as the holiday celebrating the demise of the Native Americans comes to a close, and just in time for the religious holidays, Mel Gibson's hopeful movie is set in the pre-post-apocalyptic world of Mad Max, when the Maya lost their world to the gold-seeking Spanish Conquistadors of Christendom.
All two-hundred remaining Native Americans in North America were hired to play Mayans in Gibson's new film. White men call it a-maizing. Those natives all look alike.
In addition, Gibson uses the Calypso and Yucatecto languages in the same way he used the Aram-co and Latin-o languages in his heart-stopping religious blockbuster, The Passion of the Crisco. This way the delectable dialecto rings true to all those popcorn-munching multi-plexers speaking ancient Mayan.
The movie is largely thought to be in the category of "Civilizations" in Double Jeopardy: The answer: Nazi Germany, Right-Wing America, Hispania and 16th Century Mexico. The question: What are three Christian countries and one under conversion?
As a political allegory, Apocalypto compares the human sacrifices under the Maya with American "enlistees" in Iraq. Both groups were cheap to recruit. Both groups had no body armor. And both groups thought they would be greeted with flowers.
The lucky American sacrificial lambs got artificial limbs, while the lucky Maya got artificial lambs for their sacrificial limbs.
Meanwhile, American President Bush is taking Iraqi President Malikypto to a Jordanian woodshed while Pope Benedicto is hoping to convert some uppity Muslims by talking Turkey about admission into the European Union.
In this Christian spirit, shopalyptos and cleptos alike are heading for the stores to stock up on plastic play stations and pannini presses made by child laborers not previously engaged in prostitution -- in order to fill the post-apocalypse garages of tomorrow.
In a mad dash to top off credit cards banking on 27% interest, Americans are paying homage to such sacred places as malls, big box, and chain stores -- and when they run out of gas, they ransack Amazon with PayPalypto.
The simple truth is, Apocalypto is a perfect title for the season. Americans will do what they always do. When the going gets tough, Americans go shopping. And though the garden-variety sacrifices, pogroms, and genocides pale in comparison to extinction, who to better bring death to life, than the masochistic Mad Max himself?
Mel Gibson's Apocalypto, the eclectic, epocalyptic, eucalyptic, tapiocalyptic debacle is all about a new beginning for the apologetic, psychotic, alcoholic, apocalyptic, anti-Semitic son of a Nazi apologist.
Unfortunately, for any new beginning, something has to end: in this case, Thanksgiving. Just as the holiday celebrating the demise of the Native Americans comes to a close, and just in time for the religious holidays, Mel Gibson's hopeful movie is set in the pre-post-apocalyptic world of Mad Max, when the Maya lost their world to the gold-seeking Spanish Conquistadors of Christendom.
All two-hundred remaining Native Americans in North America were hired to play Mayans in Gibson's new film. White men call it a-maizing. Those natives all look alike.
In addition, Gibson uses the Calypso and Yucatecto languages in the same way he used the Aram-co and Latin-o languages in his heart-stopping religious blockbuster, The Passion of the Crisco. This way the delectable dialecto rings true to all those popcorn-munching multi-plexers speaking ancient Mayan.
The movie is largely thought to be in the category of "Civilizations" in Double Jeopardy: The answer: Nazi Germany, Right-Wing America, Hispania and 16th Century Mexico. The question: What are three Christian countries and one under conversion?
As a political allegory, Apocalypto compares the human sacrifices under the Maya with American "enlistees" in Iraq. Both groups were cheap to recruit. Both groups had no body armor. And both groups thought they would be greeted with flowers.
The lucky American sacrificial lambs got artificial limbs, while the lucky Maya got artificial lambs for their sacrificial limbs.
Meanwhile, American President Bush is taking Iraqi President Malikypto to a Jordanian woodshed while Pope Benedicto is hoping to convert some uppity Muslims by talking Turkey about admission into the European Union.
In this Christian spirit, shopalyptos and cleptos alike are heading for the stores to stock up on plastic play stations and pannini presses made by child laborers not previously engaged in prostitution -- in order to fill the post-apocalypse garages of tomorrow.
In a mad dash to top off credit cards banking on 27% interest, Americans are paying homage to such sacred places as malls, big box, and chain stores -- and when they run out of gas, they ransack Amazon with PayPalypto.
The simple truth is, Apocalypto is a perfect title for the season. Americans will do what they always do. When the going gets tough, Americans go shopping. And though the garden-variety sacrifices, pogroms, and genocides pale in comparison to extinction, who to better bring death to life, than the masochistic Mad Max himself?
posted by R. Reynolds at 7:56 AM
9 Comments:
As a new convert to the Church of Stop Shopping, there are two issues at stake here. As a country, how do we stop this mindless, endless consumption?
As a family with greedy little girls who are plugged into our culture, how do you say no to the UGG boots and all the other crap they want without putting them into therapy?
Our kids start young with credit cards in the school cafeteria buying crappy food. It only gets worse...
When will it all end?
I'm sorry, I could only read the first paragraph, because I was laughing too hard by that point to see the rest of the text.
r
brilliant!
Perfecto. "Tapiocalypse?" That's a new one on me. But if PNN says it, it must be true.
I think "tapiocalypse" is like yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye, or something.
To anonymous # 1:
It will all end with
"Shopalyse Now."
My favorite is "artificial lambs for their sacrificial limbs". Brilliant!
I agree with anonymous #1. Who will be the first stow the throne and bring the princess back to earth? Probably not I. --USCE
When handing out the "-ic's" (apologetic, psychotic, alcoholic, apocalyptic, anti-Semitic) I'm afraid you missed one. Sadomasochistic as evidenced from the religious pornographic depiction of the suffering of Christ. --USCE
to USCE:
rick, which contains its own "ic," did leave out sadomasochistic, I think because eucalyptic seemed more Aussie. Not to defend the idiot.
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