CAUGHT FROM THE GET GO
PNN has reported all kinds of strange news, mostly about our president, but today I thought I'd give him a break and go with this story.
A woman was charged recently with filling up a fake penis with her boyfriend's urine in order to pass a drug test for a job she was applying to. Apparently she planned to whip out her prosthetic penis, pee his "clean" urine into the cup, and fool the white coats into thinking she was drug free.
But before she could be caught by virtue of having pulled out a penis of any kind -- she, and her boyfriend were turned in by a clerk at the Get Go gas station and convenience store, in McKeesport, Pa.
The Get Go is where people in town go for a quick fill-up and a hot dog, and where she went to have the prosthetic microwaved so that the urine would be body temperature by the time the drug test was conducted.
Having crossed all her t's and dotted all her i's, she believed all her bases had been covered. The only tiny mistake in her reasoning was that -- depending on the type of job she was going for -- women don't general have penises. Thankfully, it never came to that.
The clerk at the Get Go, noticing that the object to be microwaved looked like a body part, called the police.
As yet, there is no official reason why the woman decided to use the prosthetic to contain the pee, so feel free to speculate about her strategy. I welcome any thoughts you might have.
Defense attorney, William Difenderfer, said the woman, Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, Pa., now faces $300 in fines and 90 days in jail for conspiring to pass off someone else's urine. Her partner, Vincent Bostic, 31, has agreed to replace the $400 microwave at the Get Go.
As it turns out, an obscure law states that microwave ovens that have experienced body parts (or what passes for them), cannot be used to cook food for the public. After eating organic bagged spinach tainted with e-coli feces all last week, we can rest assured that, at least, our micro waved hot dogs are free of wee.
This brings us to the question: How safe are we really in this country? There are dirty bombs that don't get "critical." There are clean bombs that do. We face killer storms, killer spinach, rising oceans, drowning cities, millions of pissed off Muslims and, of course, the potential for deflowered microwaves. Yet, unlike Leslye Creighton, George W. Bush never got caught from the Get Go after manipulating the 2000 vote and, of course, ran amok for the next 6 years.
There is hope for Ms. Creighton, however. After all, W. flunked his "Breath-alizer" test and did go on to become our first DUI president.
PNN has reported all kinds of strange news, mostly about our president, but today I thought I'd give him a break and go with this story.
A woman was charged recently with filling up a fake penis with her boyfriend's urine in order to pass a drug test for a job she was applying to. Apparently she planned to whip out her prosthetic penis, pee his "clean" urine into the cup, and fool the white coats into thinking she was drug free.
But before she could be caught by virtue of having pulled out a penis of any kind -- she, and her boyfriend were turned in by a clerk at the Get Go gas station and convenience store, in McKeesport, Pa.
The Get Go is where people in town go for a quick fill-up and a hot dog, and where she went to have the prosthetic microwaved so that the urine would be body temperature by the time the drug test was conducted.
Having crossed all her t's and dotted all her i's, she believed all her bases had been covered. The only tiny mistake in her reasoning was that -- depending on the type of job she was going for -- women don't general have penises. Thankfully, it never came to that.
The clerk at the Get Go, noticing that the object to be microwaved looked like a body part, called the police.
As yet, there is no official reason why the woman decided to use the prosthetic to contain the pee, so feel free to speculate about her strategy. I welcome any thoughts you might have.
Defense attorney, William Difenderfer, said the woman, Leslye Creighton, 41, of Wilkinsburg, Pa., now faces $300 in fines and 90 days in jail for conspiring to pass off someone else's urine. Her partner, Vincent Bostic, 31, has agreed to replace the $400 microwave at the Get Go.
As it turns out, an obscure law states that microwave ovens that have experienced body parts (or what passes for them), cannot be used to cook food for the public. After eating organic bagged spinach tainted with e-coli feces all last week, we can rest assured that, at least, our micro waved hot dogs are free of wee.
This brings us to the question: How safe are we really in this country? There are dirty bombs that don't get "critical." There are clean bombs that do. We face killer storms, killer spinach, rising oceans, drowning cities, millions of pissed off Muslims and, of course, the potential for deflowered microwaves. Yet, unlike Leslye Creighton, George W. Bush never got caught from the Get Go after manipulating the 2000 vote and, of course, ran amok for the next 6 years.
There is hope for Ms. Creighton, however. After all, W. flunked his "Breath-alizer" test and did go on to become our first DUI president.
posted by R. Reynolds at 7:58 AM
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