SLEEPER TWO: DEAD OR ALIVE
Though news of his demise may be greatly exaggerated, there is something ghoulishly amusing about people feigning concern over Senator Tim Johnson's precarious medical situation while the balance of power in the United States, and the world, remain in question. Champing at the bit, news anchors speed-read their obligatory concerns for the Johnson family like announcers racing through the fine print of financial offerings -- tripping over their tongues to get to the gorilla in the room.
Why? Because political sanity in this country is currently on life-support.
Some would have you believe that each and every life is precious, but those obnoxious people are hopeless dreamers. Politicians who talk in platitudes like that are the hypocrites who would send your kids off to die in some foolhardy war in order to demonstrate leadership.
People are, of course, precious in the religious sense, but as they say in Transylvania, "When it comes to the collection plate, dead hands hold no drachmas."
In the bigger picture, humans are no more important than the millions of bugs they squash underfoot every time they take a walk in the woods. We are as expendable as any unit. In the governmental sense, we are interchangeable parts. Still, we like to pretend we matter.
In Woody Allen's Sleeper a future American dictator is assassinated by arson, leaving only his nose. The rest of his body is consumed in the fire. Fearing anarchy, doctors keep "The Leader's" nose alive in a bell jar using electrified wires and a vaporizer. I have a vaporizer for my nose, and it helps.
Technology is such that, should Senator Johnson take a turn for the worse, he could be kept technically alive -- at least as alive as other senators.
There are numerous examples where half-dead senators refused to step down. The ancient Strom Thurman, R-SC, thought his name was "Gladys" in his last term, and was barely cognizant of his surroundings.
In 1964 Senator Claire Engle, D-CA, dying from a brain tumor, was wheeled onto the Senate floor, lifted his partially paralyzed arm, pointed to his eye (to indicate his affirmative vote) and cast a key vote for the Civil Rights Act. There is no mechanism for removing Congressional leaders due to health. If you are alive, that is all that's required.
Thankfully, with Republicans, even a single cell represents a life. Using their logic, a dandruff flake from Senator Johnson should be sufficient for Democrats to keep control of the Senate.
Terry Schiavo was not only alive enough to be a US senator, she was alive enough for Republicans to exploit. If you look at attendance records, senators are not even present most of the time. When they are, they are wasting time investigating their political opponents.
Back when we had a sane president, the Republican-led Congress spent 42 hours in-chamber investigating Clinton's Christmas list yet, during Bush's tenure, 3 hours investigating Abu Ghraib. That tells you everything you need to know about how important life was to the Republican Congress.
As we Democrats hold a national vigil over the person of Tim Johnson, let's not lose sight of the fact that, to us, the South Dakota Senator is, in President Bush's words, "wanted, dead or alive."
Though news of his demise may be greatly exaggerated, there is something ghoulishly amusing about people feigning concern over Senator Tim Johnson's precarious medical situation while the balance of power in the United States, and the world, remain in question. Champing at the bit, news anchors speed-read their obligatory concerns for the Johnson family like announcers racing through the fine print of financial offerings -- tripping over their tongues to get to the gorilla in the room.
Why? Because political sanity in this country is currently on life-support.
Some would have you believe that each and every life is precious, but those obnoxious people are hopeless dreamers. Politicians who talk in platitudes like that are the hypocrites who would send your kids off to die in some foolhardy war in order to demonstrate leadership.
People are, of course, precious in the religious sense, but as they say in Transylvania, "When it comes to the collection plate, dead hands hold no drachmas."
In the bigger picture, humans are no more important than the millions of bugs they squash underfoot every time they take a walk in the woods. We are as expendable as any unit. In the governmental sense, we are interchangeable parts. Still, we like to pretend we matter.
In Woody Allen's Sleeper a future American dictator is assassinated by arson, leaving only his nose. The rest of his body is consumed in the fire. Fearing anarchy, doctors keep "The Leader's" nose alive in a bell jar using electrified wires and a vaporizer. I have a vaporizer for my nose, and it helps.
Technology is such that, should Senator Johnson take a turn for the worse, he could be kept technically alive -- at least as alive as other senators.
There are numerous examples where half-dead senators refused to step down. The ancient Strom Thurman, R-SC, thought his name was "Gladys" in his last term, and was barely cognizant of his surroundings.
In 1964 Senator Claire Engle, D-CA, dying from a brain tumor, was wheeled onto the Senate floor, lifted his partially paralyzed arm, pointed to his eye (to indicate his affirmative vote) and cast a key vote for the Civil Rights Act. There is no mechanism for removing Congressional leaders due to health. If you are alive, that is all that's required.
Thankfully, with Republicans, even a single cell represents a life. Using their logic, a dandruff flake from Senator Johnson should be sufficient for Democrats to keep control of the Senate.
Terry Schiavo was not only alive enough to be a US senator, she was alive enough for Republicans to exploit. If you look at attendance records, senators are not even present most of the time. When they are, they are wasting time investigating their political opponents.
Back when we had a sane president, the Republican-led Congress spent 42 hours in-chamber investigating Clinton's Christmas list yet, during Bush's tenure, 3 hours investigating Abu Ghraib. That tells you everything you need to know about how important life was to the Republican Congress.
As we Democrats hold a national vigil over the person of Tim Johnson, let's not lose sight of the fact that, to us, the South Dakota Senator is, in President Bush's words, "wanted, dead or alive."
posted by R. Reynolds at 7:25 AM
7 Comments:
love the concept that the fate of the country and world rests on a dandruf flake.
I don't recall the vaporizer. Did you make that up?
You set up an interesting scenario. Should Johnson's condition worsen, leaving him in a vegetative state, Republicans would have to grant him the same status as Terry Shiavo -- fully human.
Senator Claire Engle died in 1964. The 83-day filibuster was led by men named Eastland, Ervin and Byrd (AKA Senator Sheets) and was finally broken by a man named Dirksen.
Engle wasn't actually voting. He was trying to say, "Dammit, there's a dandruff flake on my cornea."
r
Sen Thurmon's first name was, in fact, Gladys. His nickname was "Strom."
Seeing as how tenuous our hold on the congress actually is, I think we should require all Democratic senators to provide dandruff scales, saliva or toe nail clippings to keep on file just in case. --USCE
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