BIDEN TIME

Joe Biden Jr., yesterday, took himself out of the presidential race just hours after he threw his hat in the ring.

In referring to Barak Obama as the first clean, articulate, bright, nice-looking African American to run for president, he instantly ended any hopes of becoming president himself.

On the bright side, the GOP is now interested in having Mr. Biden on their ticket after the Senator from Delaware articulated perfectly what many Republicans have been afraid to say in public.

It is hard to know what Joe Biden was thinking. He said he meant "clean" in the "fresh" sense -- in the "Febreze" sense. You know, how your clothes smell when they come right out of the dryer? There is no better odor remover on the market.

In trying to diminish the fallout, Biden said he was not singling out African Americans, and said of Indians, "You cannot go to a 7-Eleven or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

"It's hard to tell through all that curry, but they are clean," he added.

When it was pointed out that there have been many African American presidential candidates, like Shirley Chisholm, Carol Moseley Braun, and Al Sharpton, Biden burst into laughter. "Al Sharpton, good-looking?" he asked. "I've seen better looking Chia pets. And that's no dirt."

Al Sharpton took immediate offense, and pointed out to Senator Biden that his hygiene was state of the art.

"I told him I take a bath every day," Mr. Sharpton said.

Of course, the elephant in the room was the fact that the good-looking Jesse Jackson, who was the watermelon-seed spitting image of actor Will Smith in his younger years, has been a ubiquitous player on the presidential scene. Indeed, Jesse Jackson had outlasted and drawn more votes than the jackass, Joe Biden.

At 3-hours, 49-minutes and 36-seconds, the Biden presidential campaign is sure to go down in history as the shortest ever, right after Pat Paulsen's failed bid in 1968.