THE MOMENT GEORGE KNEW
Back in the 60's stand-up comedian Bob Newhart had a routine where the audience eavesdropped on one side of a conversation. We listened in on Lincoln's PR man coaching Abe over the phone. We heard the captain of the nuclear sub, the USS Codfish, talking with the crew just prior to surfacing after a year under the North Pole. And we heard the Wright's business manager questioning Orville and Wilbur about their new flying machine:
"Well Wilbur, it's gonna kill our time to the coast if we have to land every 105 feet."
In that tradition, the following is a phone conversation between Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House and George Bush, warning the President that the Foley sex scandal is just about to break. The phone is ringing and the President picks up:
George, how are you? Dennis here. The Speaker. Right. What's wrong? Little down today? Why George? Iraq? Right George. Civil war. Right. Anarchy. Right. Generals on TV? No, I've seen 'em. Woodward? I know. I know. He's a prick. Of course you're not in denial. No, you're definitely not in denial. What should you do? Well, just deny it. You see what I mean, George?
What's that? Well George, try to look at it this way. It was the most efficient unprovoked war in history. Right. The cup half full -- right. Of course, George. Well, sure it was the wrong country. You can't get everything right.
What's that? And you don't like being called a devil. No, I'm with you on that one, George. What? Do I th....? I course I don't George. No. No. A little naughty maybe, but devil? No.
Anyway George, you may want to sit down for this one.
You'll see what I mean. No I really think you ought to si......no, no -- SIT DOWN GEORGE!
Listen, the story on Rep. Foley is just about to break...Foley, F-O-L-E-Y, Congressman Foley? Right. You know he's been soliciting sex over the Internet--right?. Right, to young men over on the Hill. No George, not to guys over the hill -- on the Hill. They're young. No younger. Lower. No lower. Lower. You're getting warm. A little south. Bingo. 15 and 16-year olds. Right, out of high school.
Who? No George, Monica was 24. No, she was 24. As in L-E-G-A-L George.
Well George, I think we've got a problem. No, not you and me personally, the party George. No. No he wasn't just having a little fun. No. Christ George, we're the party of moral values, you know what I mean?
Well, how's it going play that we're poking pages while screaming about stem cells? The elections are a few weeks off....
No, "poking," George. No, he wasn't talking about kissing them on the lips. No. No, lower. Lower. A little south. No -- 180 degrees. Bingo George. What's that --like Barney Frank? Oh, your Barney. Right, Barney Bush. You got it George. Like your Barney.
What's that? Why don't we stick him in AA? No George, he's not a drunk like you. No George, he's a pervert, not a drunk. Well what good does that do? No George, he doesn't drink. What's that...he does now?
George listen, I need to have you talk with Foley. Right, you have to tell him to resign or you're going to pink slip him.
No, I don't know where Foley's hiding. Somewhere in the Congressional lav, I think.
No, we had to take away his cell phone. No, we had to take away his computer.
Yes George, I'm well aware you have trouble finding people. Tora Bora, yes, I know.
Listen George, why don't you have him paged?
Back in the 60's stand-up comedian Bob Newhart had a routine where the audience eavesdropped on one side of a conversation. We listened in on Lincoln's PR man coaching Abe over the phone. We heard the captain of the nuclear sub, the USS Codfish, talking with the crew just prior to surfacing after a year under the North Pole. And we heard the Wright's business manager questioning Orville and Wilbur about their new flying machine:
"Well Wilbur, it's gonna kill our time to the coast if we have to land every 105 feet."
In that tradition, the following is a phone conversation between Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House and George Bush, warning the President that the Foley sex scandal is just about to break. The phone is ringing and the President picks up:
George, how are you? Dennis here. The Speaker. Right. What's wrong? Little down today? Why George? Iraq? Right George. Civil war. Right. Anarchy. Right. Generals on TV? No, I've seen 'em. Woodward? I know. I know. He's a prick. Of course you're not in denial. No, you're definitely not in denial. What should you do? Well, just deny it. You see what I mean, George?
What's that? Well George, try to look at it this way. It was the most efficient unprovoked war in history. Right. The cup half full -- right. Of course, George. Well, sure it was the wrong country. You can't get everything right.
What's that? And you don't like being called a devil. No, I'm with you on that one, George. What? Do I th....? I course I don't George. No. No. A little naughty maybe, but devil? No.
Anyway George, you may want to sit down for this one.
You'll see what I mean. No I really think you ought to si......no, no -- SIT DOWN GEORGE!
Listen, the story on Rep. Foley is just about to break...Foley, F-O-L-E-Y, Congressman Foley? Right. You know he's been soliciting sex over the Internet--right?. Right, to young men over on the Hill. No George, not to guys over the hill -- on the Hill. They're young. No younger. Lower. No lower. Lower. You're getting warm. A little south. Bingo. 15 and 16-year olds. Right, out of high school.
Who? No George, Monica was 24. No, she was 24. As in L-E-G-A-L George.
Well George, I think we've got a problem. No, not you and me personally, the party George. No. No he wasn't just having a little fun. No. Christ George, we're the party of moral values, you know what I mean?
Well, how's it going play that we're poking pages while screaming about stem cells? The elections are a few weeks off....
No, "poking," George. No, he wasn't talking about kissing them on the lips. No. No, lower. Lower. A little south. No -- 180 degrees. Bingo George. What's that --like Barney Frank? Oh, your Barney. Right, Barney Bush. You got it George. Like your Barney.
What's that? Why don't we stick him in AA? No George, he's not a drunk like you. No George, he's a pervert, not a drunk. Well what good does that do? No George, he doesn't drink. What's that...he does now?
George listen, I need to have you talk with Foley. Right, you have to tell him to resign or you're going to pink slip him.
No, I don't know where Foley's hiding. Somewhere in the Congressional lav, I think.
No, we had to take away his cell phone. No, we had to take away his computer.
Yes George, I'm well aware you have trouble finding people. Tora Bora, yes, I know.
Listen George, why don't you have him paged?
posted by R. Reynolds at 9:22 AM
3 Comments:
fucking brilliant, fucking hilarious
Rick - are you posting these reviews yourself?
a perfect Newhart routine. but Hastert had known for two years about Foley.
Markj
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