STICKS AND STONES AND FUNNY BONES

If we weren't so busy dodging Improvised Explosive Devices in Iraq, we'd notice the fun times we're in. Names are flying as fast as bullets.

Venezuelan President Chavez is calling Bush a "Donkey," a "Devil," and "Mr. Danger." Meanwhile, the "Donkey" is calling Chavez an "Ass."

Iran's Ahmadinejad is calling Bush a "Moron." The "Moron" is calling Ahmadinejad a "Fascist." The "Fascist" is now saying he likes Jews. But only in Brooklyn.

Bush is calling Kim Jong Il a "Misfit." The "Misfit" is calling Bush a "Pig," as well as a "Donkey."

And a Houston Gun Dealer/Radio Show Host, in a call to arms, is calling the New Orleans evacuees, "Katricians," declaring Open Season on the political refugees.

But wait. Amateur diplomat and Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld is calling Palestinian leader Abbas a "Scum-Ringed Marketgardener." In response, the "Marketgardener" is calling Rumsfeld a "Glass-Chinned Nipplefryer."

Former Deputy Secretary of State Richard Armitage, who threatened to bomb Pakistan back into the stone age for harboring Osama, called President Musharraf a "Prick-Protecting PoopPak," at which time the "Pak," as the administration refers to him, called Armitage a "Rambo-Rousing Scrotumswiper."

And Secretary of State Condi Rice is calling Hamas leader Haniya a "Wart-Fisted Binkyfondler." The "Binkyfondler" had called Condi a "Gap-Toothed Stamplicker."

However, Israeli leader Olmert is calling the "Binkyfondler" a "Lard-Lipped Babypoacher." The "Babypoacher" is calling Olmert a "Hook-Nosed Codswallop."

Cheney, frustrated that Iraqis have failed to take charge, has been calling the freely-elected Iraqi leader, Al-Jaafari, a "Lily-Livered Snotflinger," who then volleyed that the Veep was a "Neo-Rectal Lobbyshooter."

Al-Zawahiri called President Karzai an "Afghan Heiniehound," whereupon the "Heiniehound" called the al Qaeda leader a Dung-Dolloped Smegmalicker.

At the same time Pope Benedict XVI called Muslims "Evilizer-Bunnies," and the "Evilizer-Bunnies" shot back that the Pope was a "Pontificating Crusaderrabbit."

Incidentally, they all call Osama bin Laden, "Free." Osama, getting bored in his lair, says Bush isn't very good at playing "Hide and Seek." It's starting to feel more like "Pin the Tail on the Donkey." He's tired of playing "The Pet Goat" to the "Donkey."

Curiously, all these folks say they like the American people. Even our worst enemies have no issue with the American people. So where's the problem?

Psst. It's the "Donkey" they don't like. The Elephant in the room, is the "Donkey."