8 YEARS vs. 8 MONTHS

Raging recently is the battle over who should have gotten bin Laden. Republicans have always made the point that the horny Bill Clinton had 8 years to kill bin Laden, whereas the horned George Bush had only 8 months.

When conservative Fox News reporter, Chris Wallace challenged Clinton with this, the former president became redder than a cardiologist in post-op.

Pointing his finger menacingly at Wallace's private parts, Bubba insisted he had more effectively failed in killing bin Laden than W. had.

Bubba said he had tried to kill bin Laden many times and failed, but at least he tried. And he had a plan in place, which he offered the incoming administration. "In the 8 months leading up to 9/11, they didn't even try," the ex-president said, gesturing threateningly towards the Fox reporter's genitalia.

Wallace, backing into his chair, looked clearly worried about his balls. He later said,"I did not want to have sex with that man."

Afterwards, Condoleezza Rice publicly disputed Bubba's claim, saying, "That's not true--that we had no plan. We did have a plan to get bin Laden. Yes, I'm quite sure we had a plan. The plan was to wait 'til after bin Laden's attack, and then invade Iraq. No wait, that was our private plan. Can we start over?"

Bob Woodward, in his new book, State of Denial, disputes that W. tried to get Osama prior to 9/11.

Woodward writes that the Bush administration, in rejecting everything Clinton, ignored Bubba's stern warnings about al Qaeda, and did so right up until the attacks of 9/11. They also ignored the nation's chief terrorism expert at the time, Richard C. Clarke, who spelled out the threat America faced in stark terms.

Beyond that, the general state of disarray and in-fighting swirling within Dubya's "Katrina cabinet," as it was later called, led to paralysis on the terrorism front prior to 9/11. "We were way too busy squandering the national surplus, to worry about al Qaeda warnings," said one insider who asked not to be identified.

"We didn't know that al Qaeda's threat -- that they would commandeer US airliners and fly them into tall buildings -- meant they would fly them into the Pentagon," said Bush defensively. "That's not a tall building," Bush insisted.

"And the Sears tower in Chicago was taller than the World Trade towers. Go figure," said W. "We protected the Sears Tower real good," he added, pointing to a recent photo.

Lost in the whole 8 year / 8 month argument is why bin Laden is still free 5 years after 9/11. Republicans agree with Clinton on this one: Bubba did a much more effective job at not killing bin Laden.

But because the Iraqi war fiasco, the Katrina disaster, and Clinton's emasculation of Chris Wallace, Fox News is hemorrhaging viewers -- proving once again that there's always a silver lining.

Aside from putting a little fear into Mr. Wallace, Clinton, by example, showed fellow Democrats how the war on Republicans needed to be fought: go for the groin.

As for Chris Wallace, he's now wearing a cup. Republicans would be wise to do the same.