CELEBRATION BUSH: MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED
Congressional Republicans have outdone themselves. They voted to earmark $20 million to celebrate the "victories" in Afghanistan and Iraq: a "Mission Really Accomplished."
The money is to be used for a Washington DC gala where the nation is invited to join in and celebrate victory in these two strategic areas of the world.
Wow. Al Qaeda is moving back to Afghanistan from Northern Pakistan, and because of geo-political realities, only a major US presence will ever be able to forestall the inevitable.
Meanwhile the democratically-elected Shia in Iraq are forming an Iranian-style theocracy, aiding the death squads, and hating Americans. Iraqi Kurds and Sunni are looking to carve out separate regions separated by desert cells of al Qaeda terrorists. To complete this rosy picture, 100,00 are dead and we're getting our asses kicked.
Sounds like a celebration to me! But why stop there? PNN thought it would be great to celebrate some of the other Bush successes as well.
VOODOO ECONOMIC MARDI GRAS
Earmark $17 million to celebrate the budget surplus disappearing act. Watch billions of dollars trickle up into the pockets of the rich -- as the strategically-placed tax cuts took effect -- all on giant plasma screens placed throughout the city. Hors d'oeuvres and champagne will be served to the well-heeled, followed by a macarena-style rope line with the President, and all-night costume parties.
SNAKES ON A PLANE PARTY
Earmark $16 million to celebrate the administration's effective thwarting of the 9/11 attackers. Acting on early intelligence that terrorists would fly US airliners into (previously hit) tall buildings, the Bush administration rolled up their sleeves and went to work. But who would have thought that by placing two giant towers, a Pennsylvania field, and the Pentagon in the path of the four highjacked planes, that those terrorist snakes could be stopped? Revel in the successful intervention, with drinks on the house followed by a tour of the White House bunker, where Dick Cheney was carried on that successful September day.
THE WMD SCAVENGER HUNT BALL
Earmark $14 million for a DC wide scavenger hunt. Find the bombs and win big prizes in the fun-filled spoof of non-existent WMD. After discovering you've been fooled, join administration officials at the bar for an evening of mirth and merriment. Later, dance the night away at the Scavenger Hunt Ball. Pianist, Condi Rice will play Brahms' Fourth Concerto in D-Minor, accompanied by Mark Foley on the skin flute.
HALLOWEEN SCREAM FEST
Earmark $11 million to celebrate the fear factor so effectively utilized by the administration. Come dressed as your favorite terrorist, and reminisce about the distractive qualities of fear. Self-flagellation for Bush voters and cigars for the Democrats will round out the event.
ABU GHRAIB-BAG GALA
Earmark $7 million to celebrate the birthplace of US torture policy. Wearing night-vision goggles, watch infrared videos of Donald Rumsfeld torturing cats and wiring generals' genitals. Join in on the grab bag, where do-it-yourself torture devices are beautifully wrapped and distributed to the people (only one per family, please).
KATRINA KEGGER
Earmark $10 million to celebrate the de-chocolatizing of New Orleans. Celebrate the fact that Mayor Nagen is the only black man left in New Orleans. And celebrate the enterprising gun dealer who declared "open season" on the "Katricians" in Houston, where the mostly black political refugees resettled. Budweiser and "fireworks" will complement the festivities, followed by a 'Burning Bush, Flaming Party" bible reading by the First Lady in the Rose Garden.
STRAWBERRY FIELDS HOMECOMMING
Finally, come to Strawberry Fields here in Manhattan, home of the twisted steel -- where nothing is real, and there's plenty to get hung about. Join us in a viewing of the new movie, "The United States Vs. John Lennon." You're an American civilian, and that alone is worth celebrating.
Congressional Republicans have outdone themselves. They voted to earmark $20 million to celebrate the "victories" in Afghanistan and Iraq: a "Mission Really Accomplished."
The money is to be used for a Washington DC gala where the nation is invited to join in and celebrate victory in these two strategic areas of the world.
Wow. Al Qaeda is moving back to Afghanistan from Northern Pakistan, and because of geo-political realities, only a major US presence will ever be able to forestall the inevitable.
Meanwhile the democratically-elected Shia in Iraq are forming an Iranian-style theocracy, aiding the death squads, and hating Americans. Iraqi Kurds and Sunni are looking to carve out separate regions separated by desert cells of al Qaeda terrorists. To complete this rosy picture, 100,00 are dead and we're getting our asses kicked.
Sounds like a celebration to me! But why stop there? PNN thought it would be great to celebrate some of the other Bush successes as well.
VOODOO ECONOMIC MARDI GRAS
Earmark $17 million to celebrate the budget surplus disappearing act. Watch billions of dollars trickle up into the pockets of the rich -- as the strategically-placed tax cuts took effect -- all on giant plasma screens placed throughout the city. Hors d'oeuvres and champagne will be served to the well-heeled, followed by a macarena-style rope line with the President, and all-night costume parties.
SNAKES ON A PLANE PARTY
Earmark $16 million to celebrate the administration's effective thwarting of the 9/11 attackers. Acting on early intelligence that terrorists would fly US airliners into (previously hit) tall buildings, the Bush administration rolled up their sleeves and went to work. But who would have thought that by placing two giant towers, a Pennsylvania field, and the Pentagon in the path of the four highjacked planes, that those terrorist snakes could be stopped? Revel in the successful intervention, with drinks on the house followed by a tour of the White House bunker, where Dick Cheney was carried on that successful September day.
THE WMD SCAVENGER HUNT BALL
Earmark $14 million for a DC wide scavenger hunt. Find the bombs and win big prizes in the fun-filled spoof of non-existent WMD. After discovering you've been fooled, join administration officials at the bar for an evening of mirth and merriment. Later, dance the night away at the Scavenger Hunt Ball. Pianist, Condi Rice will play Brahms' Fourth Concerto in D-Minor, accompanied by Mark Foley on the skin flute.
HALLOWEEN SCREAM FEST
Earmark $11 million to celebrate the fear factor so effectively utilized by the administration. Come dressed as your favorite terrorist, and reminisce about the distractive qualities of fear. Self-flagellation for Bush voters and cigars for the Democrats will round out the event.
ABU GHRAIB-BAG GALA
Earmark $7 million to celebrate the birthplace of US torture policy. Wearing night-vision goggles, watch infrared videos of Donald Rumsfeld torturing cats and wiring generals' genitals. Join in on the grab bag, where do-it-yourself torture devices are beautifully wrapped and distributed to the people (only one per family, please).
KATRINA KEGGER
Earmark $10 million to celebrate the de-chocolatizing of New Orleans. Celebrate the fact that Mayor Nagen is the only black man left in New Orleans. And celebrate the enterprising gun dealer who declared "open season" on the "Katricians" in Houston, where the mostly black political refugees resettled. Budweiser and "fireworks" will complement the festivities, followed by a 'Burning Bush, Flaming Party" bible reading by the First Lady in the Rose Garden.
STRAWBERRY FIELDS HOMECOMMING
Finally, come to Strawberry Fields here in Manhattan, home of the twisted steel -- where nothing is real, and there's plenty to get hung about. Join us in a viewing of the new movie, "The United States Vs. John Lennon." You're an American civilian, and that alone is worth celebrating.
posted by R. Reynolds at 10:49 AM
6 Comments:
The Abu-Ghraib suggesting of "wiring the generals' genitals" has already been accomplished. As we've seen, the generals' privates have been held fully accountable and punished for the outrageous acts.
*suggestion.
Look like I've been using PNN's proofreaders.
I think you missed a few Ed. How about the "We don't need your stinking Convention, Geneva" party, featuring hundreds of booths sharing the latest gadgetry in the torture business.
And don't miss the "We are the moral majority" party, featuring sweeping techniques by Rep. Hastert to be held at the YMCA. A "Do I Make You a Little Horny" tee shirts for all the youngsters.
Once again, a great column!! --USCE
Sam says:
Dear Mr. Richard,
You are the greatest observer of the contemporary scene since Ellsworth Monckton Toohey.
I confess - I had to Google Ellsworth Monkton Toohey.
Rick - I think sam probably meant Ellsworth Monkton Hoohey.
Nobody on this comment board cares that the Mets just advanced to the NLCS?
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