CIVIL WRONGS

Commemorating the Selma civil rights march to Montgomery Alabama, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton held hands Sunday with only six degrees of separation--in the form of security personnel disguised as event organizers.

Barack told cheering crowds that the electricity of that moment 42 years ago, when brave Black demonstrators were beaten by white police, ignited the spark between his White Kansan mother and Black Kenyan father that produced the Baby Barack.

Not to be out-ordained, Hillary told the crowd that both Jesus and Barack were born years before the historic civil rights march, and that neither was conceived immaculately. She went on to reminisce about the time she and her minister drove to Chicago to hear the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. speak.

Across the way and above the fray, Barack reminded the audience that Hillary was actually a "Goldwater Girl" in 1964, supporting Sen. Barry Goldwater in his opposition to the 1964 Civil Rights Act.

It may have been then that Hillary whipped out the Baltimore Sun article exposing Barack's maternal relatives as slave owners as recently as seven generations ago. Mrs. Clinton admitted that the slave holder was Obama's great-great-great-great grandfather, but that Barack was close with him. Hillary also reminded the audience that Obama, like Osama, attended Jihadist madrases in his elementary school years.

Later, speaking before a mostly Black crowd at a local college, Barack urged that politicians rise above political pettiness, and insinuated that white honky Hillary's eyebrows would be conjoined if not for electrolysis.

Not to be cosmetically Swiftboated, Hillary pointed out that Barack was not only half white, but that he was speaking at the George Wallace Segregationist Community College. Then, her voice rising, Hillary pulled out all the stops:

"The civil rights march is not over yet. Poverty and growing inequality matter. Health Care Matters. The soggy, White water people of the Gulf Coast matter. Our soldiers matter. Our future matters. My future matters. And if I knew now, what I'd know then, I would never have squandered Bill's speaking engagement fortune."

Barack, too, summed up the historic moment. "I know if cousin Pookie would vote, if brother Jethro would get his lazy ass off the couch and stop watching Sports-Center, and go register some folks, and go to the polls, we'd have a different kind of politics." Then, with the crowd in a frenzy, Obama commanded, "Kick off your bedroom slippers, put on your marching shoes."

Like commencement at West Point, thousands of slippers suddenly filled the air. As if emerging from a nightmare, the crowd noticed for the first time that, in the excitement of the moment, they had forgotten to put on their street clothes.

The Republicans, for the most part, were staying out of it, at least until The New York Times reported that Rudy Giuliani's relatives were all squeegee people working West Side Highway windshields for the past three generations--until spray paint became available.

Giuliani, taking offense, pointed out that one person's graffiti was another person's masterpiece, and said he had actually come from a long line of starving artists who just happened to pioneer the "on-street" car care industry.

Giuliani then pointed out that had Bill Clinton been tougher on the terrorists, the former NYC mayor would not have been forced to shamelessly grandstand on the country's greatest disaster for personal gain.

And Bill Clinton, on the scene not to support his wife, but to be inducted into the National Voting Rights Hall of Fame, hugged his admirers, some of whom were wearing Obama buttons. Asked if she was bothered by Bill's equal opportunity affections, Hillary said that, like Tammy Wynette, she had long since given up controlling who Bill embraced.