A THORN AND A PRICK

For the president who likes to rewrite history (thanks to his lies and obfuscations, 50% of Americans still believe Iraq had WMD at the time we invaded, and 64% believe Saddam Hussein and al Qaeda were linked), there's one piece of history that refuses to be rewritten.

It's that thorn in his side that just won't seem to go away.
Cindy Sheehan, who camped out near the Bush ranch to protest the Iraqi war (which had killed her son, Casey, and 100,000 others) -- has now upped the ante: she's now Bush's neighbor.

With the insurance money Ms. Sheehan received for her dead son, she bought a 5-acre plot near the president's home in Crawford. As they say in Texas, the thorn falls close to the cactus. It's one mom's version of "Cacti for the Straight Guy."

For the prickly pair in the White House, this can't be a good thing. It will be interesting to see how the Secret Service handles this prickly Code Yellow. They'll be no ushering Sheehan off her own land if the good Conservatives of Texas have anything to do about it. Prairie wars would erupt.

Cindy Sheehan's group, Gold Star Families for Peace, is now firmly stuck in the Lone Star state. Leaving the ditches beside Junior's ranch, Sheehan will now be able to lead peace vigils from ground zero: where our Vacationer-In-Chief cuts brush and conjures future fiascos.

First on Cindy's agenda will be the Welcome Wagon. Cindy will borrow a cup of sugar from First Lady Laura, and ask her why her lips are reminiscent of a Sheri Lewis' hand puppet, Lamb Chops.

Then, like the neighbor in Home Improvement, Cindy will peer over the fence and ask Junior if being a fake bothers him more than her.

After that, she'll invite the Bushes and the Cheneys over to eat some crow. It's the neighborly thing to do. Cindy is trying to learn the folksy dialect of Crawford -- a task so quickly achieved by Junior, who was from Kennebunkport Maine -- just so she can jawbone with the President.

For all those dying to go to Texas in the dead of summer, Cindy announced she is holding an anti-war gathering on her property, August 16 through September 2.

Laura Bush R.S.V.P.'d that they had unfortunately scheduled their vacation for the first two weeks in August.

Sheehan, who is originally from California, R.S.V.P.'d back, "No problemo, Senorita. I'll be here anyway."