WHAT'S IN A NAME?

For a gentle, unassuming man, much controversy surrounds the name of the Dems' heir apparent, Barak Hussein Obama.

I don't know what Obama's Mama was thinking when she came up with that name. Surely Obama and Osama rhyme. I believe Hussein and Hussein rhyme too -- let me check: Hus-sein, and Hus-sein -- yep, they rhyme.

And then there's Barak, which sounds like Borat, the observant Jewish/ British/ Kazakh Journalist who runs around America getting people to sing, "Throw the Jew down the well."

Jesus, Joseph and Mary, what was Ms. Obama thinking? Could she have possibly packed any more villains into her son's name? Was this her version of Johnny Cash's "Boy named Sue." Life aint easy for a boy named Sue.

Which brings us to today's topic: What's in a name? I'm not going to do that "A rose by any other name" thing because it's such hyperbole. If roses went by the name, "fermented horse piss," to use Borat's term, I guarantee they would not smell as sweet. Unless you're from Kazakhstan, fermented horse urine does not come to mind on Valentine's Day.

Clearly a rose by any other name does not smell as sweet. Shakespeare, being not very bright, went around writing in cliches that everyone's heard a thousand times.

Anyway, Mama Obama might as well have called her son "Adolf Stalin Mussolini," or "Mao Pol-Pot Gambino." Or better yet, Khomeini Cheney. Republicans are gonna to have a field day with Obama's name in '08. Only Hillary, that other Democrat and Conservative Lightning Rod, has sufficient clout to draw the fire away from Obama.

While American Conservatives can't be overtly racist, sexism is still okay in Middle America. As a true Conservative, the time-warped Borat proudly shows off his sister, the number 4 prostitute in all of Kazakhstan -- and she has a trophy to show for it. Unlike in America, where bleach blond televangelist women make every effort to mismatch their head and body hair, in Kazakhstan, they go to little effort to match the rug with the curtains.

I know that George and Barbara "Bush" are thinking of changing their name to George and Barbara Brush, not because of their errant son, but because of the "rug and curtain" issue.

So what's in a name? Beats the hell out of me. "Camelot" has degraded into Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger. If Americans can overlook an anorexic and a muscle-head, I guess Americans can overlook Barak Hussein Obama's name (and skin color) and go for what Martin Luther King so aptly called, "the content of one's character."

His name, Barak, actually means "one who is blessed" in Swahili. If I should ever die or, God forbid, end up in prison, I want to go on record as having said Americans would do well with Mr. Barak Hussein Obama leading their better angels.