STATE OF THE UNION
Looking like a schoolboy who had just received a thrashing, President Bush stood before the nation and tried to put lipstick on a camel. Speaker Nancy Pelosi had her lipstick in place when the president tried to brown nose her and his way into the speech by his gracious acknowledgement of the historic moment.
Sitting unflinchingly beside Speaker Pelosi was Vice President Dick Cheney, popping pills and doing his synchronized water drinking act with the President. Have you ever noticed that Cheney won't take a sip from his glass till the president does? Cheney swallowed his first nitroglycerine pill dry, for at 20 minutes in, the President had yet to make a move for his glass.
For her part, Pelosi fought off fatigue and contact lens soreness by blinking more times during the speech than Cheney had blinked in a lifetime.
I was struck by the fact that Hillary couldn't get better tickets. Back in the nosebleed section behind Barack Obama, the former First Lady glistened like a wet jewel. Someone needs to towel down her makeup artist. Though I didn't see them, Borat and Osama bin Laden were said to be sitting across the aisle in row two, directly behind the Supreme Court Justices. Justice Thomas wasn't present, having been caught earlier in an Internet porn sting.
The Reader of Books read his lines, while Americans played that silly game of wondering what would happen if his TelePrompTer went down. Modern technology being what it is, I can imagine a simian president sometime in our future.
The camera found John McCain asleep after 35 minutes in captivity. Connecticut Turncoat Liberman was there with both foreheads, strapped to the back of his seat and wearing more makeup than Tammy Fae Baker.
For the most part, Speaker Pelosi was trying to remember when to clap, when to stand, and when to clap and stand. Several times she got confused when Bush snuck multiple subjects into one sentence. About half way through the speech, Madam Speaker caught on and only stood when her constituency did.
First Lady Laura Bush was doing her annoying Uri Geller-rubber arm clapping thing, with her hands a full three feet apart on the outswing. Her eyes looked like my daughter's when she's been invited back to the dinner table after having been crying in her room. Laura was seated with some African guy who the President told us came over on an academic scholarship, but after taking one look at him, the school switched him to basketball. Turning his back on his impoverished country, he became an American citizen and now plays for the NBA. Inspiring stuff.
One highlight I can remember was when the President pulled a prank on the Dems. Saying "We must support our troops..." he got Pelosi and the Dems to stand up clapping, and then he snuck in: "...and those (troops) on the way." For all the world, it looked like the Democrats were clapping enthusiastically over sending more troops to Iraq. Bush grinned his boyish grin, as if he had just placed a whoopi cushion under John Kerry who, incidentally, was present and accounted for.
After avoiding Iraq for as long as he could, (by babbling something about energy, health care and education) the President finally pleaded with Americans not to cut his war effort off at the knees. Saying, "I don't know what you voted for, but I know it wasn't me.... no, make that defeat," Bush acknowledged that things were going badly in Baghdad. Doing his serious thing with his lips, he reminded Americans that if we fail in Iraq, we're fucked. That we have failed in Iraq, and we are fucked, he decided to save for another speech.
Our 43rd president, who had gone AWOL in the National Guard, ended with the old "Take our brave soldier seated in the back" tribute, telling American parents what a virtue it is to throw your body on grenades to save your buddies. He also cited the guy who selflessly threw his body over the epileptic who had fallen onto the NYC subway tracks just as the train had pulled into the station. I felt the epileptic was a Freudian metaphor for the president.
When Bush's train had left the station, 51 minutes later, everyone seemed relieved. The broken president did his usual signature signing and retired to his sleeping quarters for some chuckle-monkey love with the First Lady.
Looking like a schoolboy who had just received a thrashing, President Bush stood before the nation and tried to put lipstick on a camel. Speaker Nancy Pelosi had her lipstick in place when the president tried to brown nose her and his way into the speech by his gracious acknowledgement of the historic moment.
Sitting unflinchingly beside Speaker Pelosi was Vice President Dick Cheney, popping pills and doing his synchronized water drinking act with the President. Have you ever noticed that Cheney won't take a sip from his glass till the president does? Cheney swallowed his first nitroglycerine pill dry, for at 20 minutes in, the President had yet to make a move for his glass.
For her part, Pelosi fought off fatigue and contact lens soreness by blinking more times during the speech than Cheney had blinked in a lifetime.
I was struck by the fact that Hillary couldn't get better tickets. Back in the nosebleed section behind Barack Obama, the former First Lady glistened like a wet jewel. Someone needs to towel down her makeup artist. Though I didn't see them, Borat and Osama bin Laden were said to be sitting across the aisle in row two, directly behind the Supreme Court Justices. Justice Thomas wasn't present, having been caught earlier in an Internet porn sting.
The Reader of Books read his lines, while Americans played that silly game of wondering what would happen if his TelePrompTer went down. Modern technology being what it is, I can imagine a simian president sometime in our future.
The camera found John McCain asleep after 35 minutes in captivity. Connecticut Turncoat Liberman was there with both foreheads, strapped to the back of his seat and wearing more makeup than Tammy Fae Baker.
For the most part, Speaker Pelosi was trying to remember when to clap, when to stand, and when to clap and stand. Several times she got confused when Bush snuck multiple subjects into one sentence. About half way through the speech, Madam Speaker caught on and only stood when her constituency did.
First Lady Laura Bush was doing her annoying Uri Geller-rubber arm clapping thing, with her hands a full three feet apart on the outswing. Her eyes looked like my daughter's when she's been invited back to the dinner table after having been crying in her room. Laura was seated with some African guy who the President told us came over on an academic scholarship, but after taking one look at him, the school switched him to basketball. Turning his back on his impoverished country, he became an American citizen and now plays for the NBA. Inspiring stuff.
One highlight I can remember was when the President pulled a prank on the Dems. Saying "We must support our troops..." he got Pelosi and the Dems to stand up clapping, and then he snuck in: "...and those (troops) on the way." For all the world, it looked like the Democrats were clapping enthusiastically over sending more troops to Iraq. Bush grinned his boyish grin, as if he had just placed a whoopi cushion under John Kerry who, incidentally, was present and accounted for.
After avoiding Iraq for as long as he could, (by babbling something about energy, health care and education) the President finally pleaded with Americans not to cut his war effort off at the knees. Saying, "I don't know what you voted for, but I know it wasn't me.... no, make that defeat," Bush acknowledged that things were going badly in Baghdad. Doing his serious thing with his lips, he reminded Americans that if we fail in Iraq, we're fucked. That we have failed in Iraq, and we are fucked, he decided to save for another speech.
Our 43rd president, who had gone AWOL in the National Guard, ended with the old "Take our brave soldier seated in the back" tribute, telling American parents what a virtue it is to throw your body on grenades to save your buddies. He also cited the guy who selflessly threw his body over the epileptic who had fallen onto the NYC subway tracks just as the train had pulled into the station. I felt the epileptic was a Freudian metaphor for the president.
When Bush's train had left the station, 51 minutes later, everyone seemed relieved. The broken president did his usual signature signing and retired to his sleeping quarters for some chuckle-monkey love with the First Lady.
posted by R. Reynolds at 8:21 AM
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