Thursday, November 09, 2006

EPILOGUE: PSYCHOPATHS AND LOVE

Most psychopaths thank their captors for ending the evil urges they themselves cannot control. George W. Bush looked relieved after absorbing the election results. His inner child had been crying out in Jim Carey fashion:

"Somebody Stop Me."

Well Junior, this is your country speaking and "somebody" has stopped you. Now, you can go get yourself some help.

We apologize for not stopping you earlier, in 2000 and 2004, but your runaway machine (the Republican Military Industrial Complex), once unleashed, was difficult to shut down. Add to that your incompetence leading up to 9/11, and we really feel happy that you'll be getting a long-deserved vacation, not as a lame duck, but as a dead duck.

Despite all his lies and bravado, Junior knew he was losing in Iraq and that his own "cut and run" rhetoric was preventing him from cutting his losses. He was caught in a dark, evil trap set by Osama bin Laden: watching his soldiers being blown up in a hostile land, in a sectarian civil war -- with no favorable outcome possible.

Junior had blown it. Osama had outsmarted him. By some estimates, a half-million may have perished in Iraq as a result. America had been brought to its knees, its moral and physical capital spent.

Being Born Again, Junior knew the power of God. Following Billy Graham's advice, Junior had played his conservative Christian base like a fiddle, speaking to them in tongues while mocking them behind their backs. With 25% of the electorate unquestioning souls, Junior knew this rock-solid base would deliver him from all challenges.

Being incompetent, Junior knew he was a fraud. He had hoped his experienced, albeit anachronistic cabinet would have the wisdom he lacked to keep America on the right track. Deep down inside, he hoped his hodgepodge of recycled advisors would save him from himself. When they couldn't, he hoped his loyalty to them would be repaid in kind should he run into trouble. It was, but it was too late.

Being a liar, Junior clumsily recast his mistaken war as a noble quest to democratize the Middle East. What a childish attempt: as if the world would forget his false, fabricated provocations for war! As if the world would forget Iraq sat atop a vast ocean of oil. As if he didn't have long family ties with the kingdom that spawned the 9/11 terrorists.

Being a bully and a coward, Junior soon tried to pass off the war's catastrophic inevitability onto the next administration. He tried to run out the clock, but knew instinctively his blunder would catch up with him. Even with his embedded, complicit press corps and his secretive inner circle, the truth eventually had to seep out.

When it all ended on that Tuesday night, a huge weight was lifted from George W. Bush's shoulders. Now, he could fire Donald Rumsfeld and start distancing himself from the war. Not only would his demons be tamed, but he could blame the Democrats for losing the war. He could finally escape his self-imposed exile from reality.

George W. Bush had lost the House of Representatives, the Senate, and the American people. He would go on to lose his dog. Thanksgiving Eve, Barney, the First Dog, gathered up his few possessions -- a rawhide chewy, a torn sock, and a red rubber ball -- and headed north out of the District of Columbia.

And so children, the bad son of George and Barbara Bush could finally come home. Junior had tried so hard to save his family's legacy, he ended up destroying it. And though he was now disgraced, his parents-- like all parents -- would always love him.

This concludes the broadcast of the Pinecliff Network News system.