THE BIG GULP

When Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez stood before the UN Assembly and called President George W. Bush the devil (he later called him a donkey), a big gulp echoed throughout the chamber. Soon a collective gasp reverberated around the world. I remember thinking, what's the big deal? After all, Chavez had crossed himself like a good Catholic.

What -- is Bush going to nuke Venezuela over the insult? He's been insulted by far greater people than Chavez. Anyway, the devil, in the secular sense, is a metaphor for the destructive side of humans. Dubya certainly has this destructive aspect in spades.

As for Chavez's "devil" comment, Axis of Evil author, Dubya loves that kind of Bible talk, and anyway, he did invade the wrong country, resulting in the loss of tens of thousands of lives. Even if "devil" sounds a bit shrill, "donkey" seems eminently reasonable. Is there something I'm missing here?

Ordinary Americans interviewed by television reporters were terribly offended that a world leader would call the American president a donkey. Granted, Mr. Chavez is not all that well glued, but it's not like he insulted their mothers. Our presidents are not above reproach, and our current one richly deserves to be called out for his tragic, historic misjudgments.

Actually, as a Democrat, I'm offended that Bush gives a bad name to donkeys.

With the latest Republican Elmer Gantry -- pedophile Mark Foley -- cumming to the aid of the party, the party of moral values has a tall mountain to climb before the November elections. At least Monica was a consenting adult. Foley likes 15-year old Congressional aids.

But gas-gulping Americans have that John Wayne thing going on and many are planning revenge. The state-owned oil company, Petroleos de Venezuela, the sole supplier of Citgo gas stations here in the US, is the target of a building American boycott.

Now, 7-Elevens, the chain that first brought you the Big Gulp, announced it will drop its Citgo gas stations. Aside from hurting American stockholders of the company, boycotters hope to send the message to President Chavez that W. is no donkey. That's a hard sell. Besides, Mr. Chavez has no shortage of customers for his oil.

It's time for a Reverse-Boycott. Those of us who think it's fair to characterize Bush as a donkey, let's hee-haw down to Citgo for all our petrol needs. Boycott Exxon Mobil, Shell, Texaco and others, instead.

After all, with Bush's approval rating at 40%, Citgo could receive 60% of Americans' business while the Republicans receive a clear message: tame that ass or get out Dodge.

Just imagine the big gulp among Conservative circles were this reverse-boycott to happen.

While we're on the subject, with the critical midterm elections just 5 weeks off, suddenly the price of oil has dropped precipitously. Saudi friends helping Bush out here? Strategic oil reserves sprung a strategic leak? Refining capacity suddenly improve?

Indeed, are we witnessing another election bought and paid for by the Bush administration? More than ever, they'll need to buy the election by flooding the market with oil and fear.

At stake is nothing less than the balance of power in the United States. The best answer to all the above questions is for all Americans to "Go Citgo" for their automotive needs. Then, they'll need to take a big gulp -- and vote blue.