THE O'REYNOLDS FACTOR

An avid reader of mine recently accused me of getting all my opinions from The New York Times. That is so not true. I watch a lot of Oprah! The nice thing about being self-employed is that one can glean the news from daytime TV shows.

But seriously, I am ashamed to say I read and watch all kinds of trash. In fact, I am attracted to trash. Occasionally, I even read the Wall Street Journal, the National Review, and for fun, The American Spectator. All Trash.

I also spend endless Hours of Power following the twisted logic of televangelists. I send them each a crisp one-dollar bill so they'll send me $100 worth of literature and hopefully lose $99 on the transaction. Those con artists need to go bankrupt, if not to jail.

No, I am well-rounded. I even watch Bill O'Reilly's "No-Spin" zone. The profound arrogance and vanity he displays after such a public repudiation of everything he's espoused, is painful to watch. Hasn't the poor Irishman noticed that other arch-Irish-Alter-Boy Conservatives, like Joe Scarborough, have quietly switched their polarity to reflect the realities on the ground?

To put it in teenager parlance, his shit is so docked.

Borat would have had a field day with the anachronistic, time-warped audience that is attracted to Bill O'Reilly -- drawn like moths to a cashmere sweater. Bill O'Reilly! Is there nothing people won't do for money? What a whore! Appealing to the paranoia of the My-Country-Right-or-Wrongers, O'Reilly drains the puss from his pseudo-patriotic yahoos and sells it back to them. After watching the O'Reilly Factor, Saw III feels like Sponge Bob the Builder. And we wonder, how many more Vietnams?

I also read books. Like our president, I am a Reader of Books. I read Shrub, for instance. Poor Molly Ivins just died, bless her heart. Mimi Swartz eulogized Molly recently in the notorious New York Times. Ms. Swartz points out that growing up in rural Texas, Molly Ivins inhabited a land inhospitable to irreverent ladies in smarty pants. Molly did not suffer fools gladly.

The circumcised society Molly Ivins wrote about did not cotton to the likes of women like her -- or the likes of Ann Richards for that matter -- who had noted that the elder Bush grew up with a silver foot in his mouth. Shrub told you everything you ever needed to know about boy George, and it was published in time to avert the train wreck of 2000.

There were few books that could counter-balance Against All Enemies, State of Denial, The One Percent Doctrine, The Secret Way to War, Fiasco, and Hubris -- Indeed, try Google-ing "books that support the Iraqi War." Instead of, "Did you mean...?" you get, "Are you kidding?"

So, in order to understand my president better, I read The Pet Goat. I wanted to know why the president had such a deer-in-the-headlights gaze when he was informed that someone had whacked the bejesus out of those twin towers he had sworn to protect and defend. It wasn't like he hadn't been warned. If you've read The Pet Goat, you begin to understand. I came out of that story emotionally drained.

Now, countless thousands of lives and three-quarters of a trillion dollars have been squandered, and still the Bush apologists try to bluster their way out of their complicity. It is so hard for some people to admit they were wrong. Call them vain. Call them men. Call them Geishas to their men. Not to be peevish, but for far too many, the portal to their next life is through their own keysters.

So there you have it. That's The O'Reynolds Factor, and that's "no-spin." As a matter of civil discourse, perhaps we should go back to "spin."