BRIBE ME
I see Democrats are split on how far they want to go with this whole ethics thing. They roared into Congress on a platform of ethics reform, but now they're not so sure. Boy, do I know how they feel. After the six long years wandering in the political wilderness, it's finally Party Time!
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it's time we give thanks to everything others have been given. I wish I was important enough to get bribed. No one talks turkey with me. No one offers me diddly-squat.
Where does the "Bribe Me Please" line form? How can I be expected to turn down bribes if I never get any? There's no pride in rejecting bribes one never receives. I need to be tested. Just try me. Would someone out there please have the decency to let me anguish 3 seconds over a bribe? I'm a quick anguisher.
I'm not like Rep. Murtha, waiting for the deal to sweeten. I'm still waiting for my first offer. Bribers of the world, I beg you: try me. 50 Gs in a paper bag for whatever? I'm all pockets. And my pocket stuffing takes gravy.
Like every other election year, bribery has almost become politically incorrect. Ethics squads hell bent on criminalizing those good people who just happen to like easy money policy, are giving bribery a bad name. It doesn't have to be that way.
Bribery is all-American: it's greed-based, cuts out the middle man, and eliminates unfair competition. The pilgrims, upon landing on Plymouth Rock, bribed the Indians and we've been doing it ever since. As dead Nobel Laureate economist Milton Friedman used to say, "There's nothing 'free' about free markets."
His student, George W. Bush put it this way: "Bribe me once, shame on you. Bribe me twice, shame on -- shame on -- no, bribe me once, shame on me, or is it...?"
Only losers compete in America. If you're not in bed with big business you're screwed: Never the bribe, always the bribe made.
It's damned expensive to compete -- and you might not even get the job! You think Halliburton would be caught dead competing? Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, Raytheon, General Dynamics and United Technologies—the Defense Department’s six largest contractors spent $19 million on bribes while lobbying in 2003; the last year "bribes" were tax deductible under "business expenses" on corporate returns.
So who gets bribed? What makes one bribe-worthy? And how can you (and I) start a successful career as bribees?
First of all, you must be under the influence. I've got my foot in the door on that one.
Secondly, you must not only lack ethics -- you must pretend you don't. Good, I'm all in.
Thirdly, you must follow the money. The real money. Not as your neighborhood racketeer, shaking down the local Vietnamese laundry. Bigger. Selling insider information is a nice way. Another is to hook up with the war machine.
Defense companies gave candidates and PACs more than $3.5 million in the first six months of 2003. Because appropriations bills are first drafted in the House, the industry funneled most of its payola to members of the House Defense Appropriations Subcommittee and the House Armed Service Committee, two panels with considerable influence over the defense budget.
On the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee, the sector awarded Chairman Jerry Lewis (R-Calif.) $44,500 and ranking member John Murtha (D-Pa.) $68,000. On the House Armed Services Committee, the defense sector gave $98,600 to Chairman Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) and $48,500 to ranking member Ike Shelton (D-Mo.). Who says there's no bi-partisanship?
I like war, especially since the elimination of the draft. It's messy, sure, but it makes good movies and even better business sense. In the right business hands, war is an annuity: the gift that keeps on giving. I only wish someone would give that gift to me.
Now that they're back in the game, Democrats want ethics reform, but only on the margins. They don't want to reform campaign financing, or pork barrel bill drafting. Reform is really best suited for the powerless; a status that no longer describes Democrats. And for that, we can be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.
I see Democrats are split on how far they want to go with this whole ethics thing. They roared into Congress on a platform of ethics reform, but now they're not so sure. Boy, do I know how they feel. After the six long years wandering in the political wilderness, it's finally Party Time!
With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it's time we give thanks to everything others have been given. I wish I was important enough to get bribed. No one talks turkey with me. No one offers me diddly-squat.
Where does the "Bribe Me Please" line form? How can I be expected to turn down bribes if I never get any? There's no pride in rejecting bribes one never receives. I need to be tested. Just try me. Would someone out there please have the decency to let me anguish 3 seconds over a bribe? I'm a quick anguisher.
I'm not like Rep. Murtha, waiting for the deal to sweeten. I'm still waiting for my first offer. Bribers of the world, I beg you: try me. 50 Gs in a paper bag for whatever? I'm all pockets. And my pocket stuffing takes gravy.
Like every other election year, bribery has almost become politically incorrect. Ethics squads hell bent on criminalizing those good people who just happen to like easy money policy, are giving bribery a bad name. It doesn't have to be that way.
Bribery is all-American: it's greed-based, cuts out the middle man, and eliminates unfair competition. The pilgrims, upon landing on Plymouth Rock, bribed the Indians and we've been doing it ever since. As dead Nobel Laureate economist Milton Friedman used to say, "There's nothing 'free' about free markets."
His student, George W. Bush put it this way: "Bribe me once, shame on you. Bribe me twice, shame on -- shame on -- no, bribe me once, shame on me, or is it...?"
Only losers compete in America. If you're not in bed with big business you're screwed: Never the bribe, always the bribe made.
It's damned expensive to compete -- and you might not even get the job! You think Halliburton would be caught dead competing? Lockheed Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, Raytheon, General Dynamics and United Technologies—the Defense Department’s six largest contractors spent $19 million on bribes while lobbying in 2003; the last year "bribes" were tax deductible under "business expenses" on corporate returns.
So who gets bribed? What makes one bribe-worthy? And how can you (and I) start a successful career as bribees?
First of all, you must be under the influence. I've got my foot in the door on that one.
Secondly, you must not only lack ethics -- you must pretend you don't. Good, I'm all in.
Thirdly, you must follow the money. The real money. Not as your neighborhood racketeer, shaking down the local Vietnamese laundry. Bigger. Selling insider information is a nice way. Another is to hook up with the war machine.
Defense companies gave candidates and PACs more than $3.5 million in the first six months of 2003. Because appropriations bills are first drafted in the House, the industry funneled most of its payola to members of the House Defense Appropriations Subcommittee and the House Armed Service Committee, two panels with considerable influence over the defense budget.
On the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee, the sector awarded Chairman Jerry Lewis (R-Calif.) $44,500 and ranking member John Murtha (D-Pa.) $68,000. On the House Armed Services Committee, the defense sector gave $98,600 to Chairman Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) and $48,500 to ranking member Ike Shelton (D-Mo.). Who says there's no bi-partisanship?
I like war, especially since the elimination of the draft. It's messy, sure, but it makes good movies and even better business sense. In the right business hands, war is an annuity: the gift that keeps on giving. I only wish someone would give that gift to me.
Now that they're back in the game, Democrats want ethics reform, but only on the margins. They don't want to reform campaign financing, or pork barrel bill drafting. Reform is really best suited for the powerless; a status that no longer describes Democrats. And for that, we can be thankful. Happy Thanksgiving.
posted by R. Reynolds at 10:23 AM
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