HOMESICK AND HEARTBROKEN
I heard on the radio this morning that a man recently robbed a bank and demanded the teller call the police immediately. Why call the police? the confused teller inquired. As it turned out, the bandit was homesick and he wanted to go back to the prison he had just recently escaped. Jail was the only home the bank robber had known for as long as he could remember, and he was lonely. Your heart has to go out to him. There's a lesson here for our troops.
George Bush spoke before the nation from the White House Library last night, where the Reader of Books told Americans he had heard, loud and clear, their demand for a change of course in Iraq -- and he had a plan. Without cracking a smile, he told his countrymen and women that he would escalate the war and send from 20-50,000 more troops to quell the violence.
Losing the war was not an option for him, the president assured his subjects. How would the ensuing carnage play in his presidential library at Southern Methodist University in Dallas? A slow pullout would be like extracting a tooth slowly, he added. Some things you just don't do incrementally. Tooth removal, Band-Aid- pulling, vote-counting, and decision-making are prime examples, he explained.
Moving down the list of options, Staying the Course would not represent a change of direction, the president reasoned, so he ruled this out as well. Why? Well, if you continue to do the same thing, you know, I mean where's -- like where's the change --you know what I mean?
The only remaining option, he explained, was to double-down our losses and surge. Given that he was speaking to a country full of idiots, it's hard to see the flaw in the president's logic. Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't mean bigger government.
The Democrats, meanwhile, are planning to cast symbolic votes of no-confidence to show their disappointment in the president. In a symbol of solidarity, the new symbolic Majority, wielding their new symbolic power, are heeding the symbolic votes symbolized by the midterm elections and symbolically going after the president. That they could go after the symbol of the presidency by impeaching him, has not congealed in their Jello brains.
Which brings me back to the beginning. Americans need to learn from our lonely bank robber. Democrats are sissies and can't be relied on to end this war. The armed forces of the United States need to declare homesickness, go AWOL (as did their Commander in Chief) and return home. Take it from the good bank robber -- compared with the treacherous life on the outside, going back to jail, or the brig, will seem like home.
If, on the other hand, this does not happen, the spouses of American warriors need to take a page from the classics. The wives in Lysistrata denied their lovers' Pelopenises access unless they stopped their warring. It takes one primal urge to beat another and the comedian, Aristophanes, knew that denial ultimately beats denial of denial. Even in ancient Athens -- next to pizza and football -- nothing will get a Spartan's attention like sex. Just say "no" to our Cretan Cheerleader, George W. Bush.
I heard on the radio this morning that a man recently robbed a bank and demanded the teller call the police immediately. Why call the police? the confused teller inquired. As it turned out, the bandit was homesick and he wanted to go back to the prison he had just recently escaped. Jail was the only home the bank robber had known for as long as he could remember, and he was lonely. Your heart has to go out to him. There's a lesson here for our troops.
George Bush spoke before the nation from the White House Library last night, where the Reader of Books told Americans he had heard, loud and clear, their demand for a change of course in Iraq -- and he had a plan. Without cracking a smile, he told his countrymen and women that he would escalate the war and send from 20-50,000 more troops to quell the violence.
Losing the war was not an option for him, the president assured his subjects. How would the ensuing carnage play in his presidential library at Southern Methodist University in Dallas? A slow pullout would be like extracting a tooth slowly, he added. Some things you just don't do incrementally. Tooth removal, Band-Aid- pulling, vote-counting, and decision-making are prime examples, he explained.
Moving down the list of options, Staying the Course would not represent a change of direction, the president reasoned, so he ruled this out as well. Why? Well, if you continue to do the same thing, you know, I mean where's -- like where's the change --you know what I mean?
The only remaining option, he explained, was to double-down our losses and surge. Given that he was speaking to a country full of idiots, it's hard to see the flaw in the president's logic. Americans will buy anything, as long as it doesn't mean bigger government.
The Democrats, meanwhile, are planning to cast symbolic votes of no-confidence to show their disappointment in the president. In a symbol of solidarity, the new symbolic Majority, wielding their new symbolic power, are heeding the symbolic votes symbolized by the midterm elections and symbolically going after the president. That they could go after the symbol of the presidency by impeaching him, has not congealed in their Jello brains.
Which brings me back to the beginning. Americans need to learn from our lonely bank robber. Democrats are sissies and can't be relied on to end this war. The armed forces of the United States need to declare homesickness, go AWOL (as did their Commander in Chief) and return home. Take it from the good bank robber -- compared with the treacherous life on the outside, going back to jail, or the brig, will seem like home.
If, on the other hand, this does not happen, the spouses of American warriors need to take a page from the classics. The wives in Lysistrata denied their lovers' Pelopenises access unless they stopped their warring. It takes one primal urge to beat another and the comedian, Aristophanes, knew that denial ultimately beats denial of denial. Even in ancient Athens -- next to pizza and football -- nothing will get a Spartan's attention like sex. Just say "no" to our Cretan Cheerleader, George W. Bush.
posted by R. Reynolds at 9:46 AM
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