THE A-BOMB
Lost in all the ruckus over North Korea's nuclear detonation is the bullet we dodged 37 years ago.
Neil Armstrong, upon stepping onto the Moon's surface, was supposed to have uttered two simple little sentences: "One small step for a man. One giant leap for mankind."
Of course, after living 4 days in a tin can, Armstrong completely messed up his lines, leaving out the "a," and shocking the entire human family.
Armstrong had ended up saying, in effect: "One small step for man(kind). One giant leap for mankind," completely contradicting himself and telling everyone in the universe that humans on the planet Earth are total assholes.
The "a" bombing astronaut Armstrong has lived in ignominy ever since. Luckily for him, there seems to be nobody else out there in the solar system to note his screw-up.
But imagine if that had not been the case. What if there had been zillions of intelligent creatures out there who heard Armstrong's gaff? Earthlings would have seemed like easy prey. Some scientists, like PNN's very own Science Scribe, think we would have been toast had the universe been populated with smart, opportunistic creatures looking for any opening to grow their empire.
And it wasn't just Armstrong's screw-up. Imagine extraterrestrials scratching their heads over George Bush's reelection. We're just damn lucky the universe appears to be as devoid of intelligent life as the White House. Unfortunately, it did not go un-noticed by Osama bin Laden, however.
But wait. Now, over three decades later, an Australian computer programmer has come along and found the missing "a." Armstrong thought he had included the "a," but after living the last 37 years in shame, there is finally some concrete evidence to bear this out.
Studying the sound signatures of the gravelly transmission from the surface of the moon, computer programmer Ford found acoustical fragments of the letter "a." Running the fragments through a special computer modeling program used the amplify tiny amounts of DNA found in dinosaur bones, Ford was able to discern the missing "a."
The breaking news found the aging Mr. Armstrong barricaded in his home, and for the first time since the moonwalk, the disgraced astronaut stepped outside to talk with reporters.
"This is one giant leap for a astronaut," he said to a cheering crowd of well-wishers and reporters.
"With Neil Armstrong's name finally cleared, we are left with only George W. Bush to give Earth a 'Kick-Me' sign over its sorry, slowly melting North Pole," said programmer Ford in his heavy "Down-Under" accent.
"The sorry South Pole aint looking too frosty either," Ford added pithily.
Lost in all the ruckus over North Korea's nuclear detonation is the bullet we dodged 37 years ago.
Neil Armstrong, upon stepping onto the Moon's surface, was supposed to have uttered two simple little sentences: "One small step for a man. One giant leap for mankind."
Of course, after living 4 days in a tin can, Armstrong completely messed up his lines, leaving out the "a," and shocking the entire human family.
Armstrong had ended up saying, in effect: "One small step for man(kind). One giant leap for mankind," completely contradicting himself and telling everyone in the universe that humans on the planet Earth are total assholes.
The "a" bombing astronaut Armstrong has lived in ignominy ever since. Luckily for him, there seems to be nobody else out there in the solar system to note his screw-up.
But imagine if that had not been the case. What if there had been zillions of intelligent creatures out there who heard Armstrong's gaff? Earthlings would have seemed like easy prey. Some scientists, like PNN's very own Science Scribe, think we would have been toast had the universe been populated with smart, opportunistic creatures looking for any opening to grow their empire.
And it wasn't just Armstrong's screw-up. Imagine extraterrestrials scratching their heads over George Bush's reelection. We're just damn lucky the universe appears to be as devoid of intelligent life as the White House. Unfortunately, it did not go un-noticed by Osama bin Laden, however.
But wait. Now, over three decades later, an Australian computer programmer has come along and found the missing "a." Armstrong thought he had included the "a," but after living the last 37 years in shame, there is finally some concrete evidence to bear this out.
Studying the sound signatures of the gravelly transmission from the surface of the moon, computer programmer Ford found acoustical fragments of the letter "a." Running the fragments through a special computer modeling program used the amplify tiny amounts of DNA found in dinosaur bones, Ford was able to discern the missing "a."
The breaking news found the aging Mr. Armstrong barricaded in his home, and for the first time since the moonwalk, the disgraced astronaut stepped outside to talk with reporters.
"This is one giant leap for a astronaut," he said to a cheering crowd of well-wishers and reporters.
"With Neil Armstrong's name finally cleared, we are left with only George W. Bush to give Earth a 'Kick-Me' sign over its sorry, slowly melting North Pole," said programmer Ford in his heavy "Down-Under" accent.
"The sorry South Pole aint looking too frosty either," Ford added pithily.
posted by R. Reynolds at 7:02 AM
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