OJ SIMPSON, GEORGE W. BUSH, AND MARK KARR
O.J. Simpson. George W. Bush. Mark Karr. All three tried their utmost to get caught only to have their latent desires rejected by society. Like the protagonist in O' Henry's The Cop And the Anthem, all three were so dysfunctional, they couldn't get thrown in jail despite their best efforts.
You'll recall that O.J. brutally murdered his wife (and a good Samaritan) after repeatedly beating her prior. The former football star and rental car spokesman could not have left more evidence at the murder scene had he tried. The crime scene was a bloody mess with one glove that matched the brand O.J. had just previously purchased. DNA testing showed generous amounts of O.J.'s blood mixed in with the victims'.
After the murder O.J. boarded a jet for Chicago with his bloody hand wrapped in cotton and upon return to LA, he led police on a gun-to-the-head SUV chase televised nationwide.
Since O.J. didn't have the guts to shoot himself, he begged the criminal justice system to put him away by hiring the rhyming lawyer, Johnny Cochran, to write silly poems about his murder glove. In spite of this inept defense, he was acquitted by a jury of Avis renters Hertz by the system.
And speaking of cars, Mark Karr, a convicted child pornographer, confessed to killing Jon Benet Ramsey. He told investigators that he strangled the young girl while having oral sex with her, and while she lay lifeless, bludgeoned her with a flashlight.
With his confession that he drank her blood like a fine Chianti, Karr was begging society to put him away, but society would have nothing to do with it. The DNA evidence found on Jon Benet did not match Karr's. Unlike Simpson, Karr may be innocent of the murder but guilty of craving notoriety. However, if the DNA don't fit, you must acquit. Even as a fake, he still faces child pornography possession charges.
That brings us to George W. Bush. While his list of crimes is too long for a short column like this, suffice it to say he could not have screwed up more had he had an army working for him.
Well, George did have an army working for him, and unfortunately 100,000 people are dead as a result. The mistaken war has, and is, costing the American tax payer nineteen thousand million dollars a month (that's $19 billion) and George can't get arrested or impeached no matter how hard he tries. As fate would have it, both branches of Congress are controlled by fellow nutcase Republicans -- as is the Supreme Court -- and there is simply no mechanism to remove the man.
If George could speak, he would tell you that he thought some system of checks and balances would remove him when it was discovered he was a fake. His nightmare, and ours, was that no such divine intervention was forthcoming.
Meanwhile, how many thousands of marijuana smokers are festering in prison? Political activists? Innocent bystanders caught up in army sweeps? In reality, it's really, really easy to go to jail. Just don't try too hard.
O.J. Simpson. George W. Bush. Mark Karr. All three tried their utmost to get caught only to have their latent desires rejected by society. Like the protagonist in O' Henry's The Cop And the Anthem, all three were so dysfunctional, they couldn't get thrown in jail despite their best efforts.
You'll recall that O.J. brutally murdered his wife (and a good Samaritan) after repeatedly beating her prior. The former football star and rental car spokesman could not have left more evidence at the murder scene had he tried. The crime scene was a bloody mess with one glove that matched the brand O.J. had just previously purchased. DNA testing showed generous amounts of O.J.'s blood mixed in with the victims'.
After the murder O.J. boarded a jet for Chicago with his bloody hand wrapped in cotton and upon return to LA, he led police on a gun-to-the-head SUV chase televised nationwide.
Since O.J. didn't have the guts to shoot himself, he begged the criminal justice system to put him away by hiring the rhyming lawyer, Johnny Cochran, to write silly poems about his murder glove. In spite of this inept defense, he was acquitted by a jury of Avis renters Hertz by the system.
And speaking of cars, Mark Karr, a convicted child pornographer, confessed to killing Jon Benet Ramsey. He told investigators that he strangled the young girl while having oral sex with her, and while she lay lifeless, bludgeoned her with a flashlight.
With his confession that he drank her blood like a fine Chianti, Karr was begging society to put him away, but society would have nothing to do with it. The DNA evidence found on Jon Benet did not match Karr's. Unlike Simpson, Karr may be innocent of the murder but guilty of craving notoriety. However, if the DNA don't fit, you must acquit. Even as a fake, he still faces child pornography possession charges.
That brings us to George W. Bush. While his list of crimes is too long for a short column like this, suffice it to say he could not have screwed up more had he had an army working for him.
Well, George did have an army working for him, and unfortunately 100,000 people are dead as a result. The mistaken war has, and is, costing the American tax payer nineteen thousand million dollars a month (that's $19 billion) and George can't get arrested or impeached no matter how hard he tries. As fate would have it, both branches of Congress are controlled by fellow nutcase Republicans -- as is the Supreme Court -- and there is simply no mechanism to remove the man.
If George could speak, he would tell you that he thought some system of checks and balances would remove him when it was discovered he was a fake. His nightmare, and ours, was that no such divine intervention was forthcoming.
Meanwhile, how many thousands of marijuana smokers are festering in prison? Political activists? Innocent bystanders caught up in army sweeps? In reality, it's really, really easy to go to jail. Just don't try too hard.
posted by R. Reynolds at 11:58 AM
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